


Travel Sized Toothbrushes

by Pepsi (Pepsiiii)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Feels, Character Study, Gen, M/M, Post-Time Skip, Unofficial Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:55:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27287515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pepsiiii/pseuds/Pepsi
Summary: Once Lev had a date night full of fun drinking, laughing, and deep-contemplative conversation. Just him and his mirror— yes, it went exactly how you’re imagining it. He enjoyed it, sure ( mainly because he had great company but also, to be fair, Lev was easy to please) but apparently, that isn’t 'normal' or 'suggested more than once or twice a month' so instead, he found a random number in his contacts and sat up a cozy little dinner in the first restaurant he saw on his drive home from work.OR; Complimentary Soap 2
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Haiba Lev, Akaashi Keiji/Nishinoya Yuu, Akaashi keiji & Nishinoya Yuu & Haiba Lev, Haiba Alisa & Haiba Lev, Haiba Lev & Inuoka Sou, Haiba Lev & Tsukishima Kei, Haiba Lev & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Lev is friends with everyone guys
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	Travel Sized Toothbrushes

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Complimentary Soap](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25558240) by [Pepsi (Pepsiiii)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pepsiiii/pseuds/Pepsi). 



> 1). Happy birthday lev I LOVE U 
> 
> 2). I highly, highly recommend reading my first instalment in this little series to understand this Lev better. It isn't needed to enjoy this, but it does fill some holes and introduce you to Pepsi's Lev Haiba (not your mother's Russian middle blocker)
> 
> ^  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/25558240
> 
> (also, it's REALLY good. Anyway, I hope you enjoy and PLEASE comment. Makes me smile)

```

Once Lev had a date night full of fun drinking, laughing, and deep-contemplative conversation. Just him and his mirror— yes, it went  _ exactly _ how you’re imagining it. _ He enjoyed it _ , sure ( mainly because he had  _ great  _ company but also,  _ to be fair _ , Lev was easy to please) but apparently, that isn’t  _ normal _ or  _ suggested more than once or twice a month  _ so instead, he found a random number in his contacts and sat up a cozy little dinner in the first restaurant he saw on his drive home from work. 

```   
  


“Akaashi-san!”

Lev liked Akaashi. He didn’t like him enough to call him with his eyes open, knowingly choosing Akasshi’s contact, but he liked him. Akaashi was refreshing to be around. Unlike most people Lev knew, professionally and personally, Akaashi  _ openly _ hated himself. Compared to the fake smiles Lev believed were true until it was too late and the dark nights spent wondering if everyone was doing as bad as he was in the moment, Akaashi was like a refined, respectable, self-deprecating glass of water that seemingly never ran out and was always ready to drink. Lev was pretty sure he had a problem, but since when was it his job to ensure his  _ highschool-adolescence-fueled-volleyball-upperclassmen  _ were taking care of themselves? He’s an enabler of bad decisions, not an escape from them.

“Lev-kun” 

Another great thing about Akaashi is that he wasn’t all whiny and sad (like Lev), no— he was _ quiet _ and sad. That was great (for Lev). Traits like that ensured a long friendship with a talkative person and lent themselves well to the quest for a good time. Lev could watch Akaashi down five shots and he’d be just as upset during the first as he is as he eyes the sixth. It did wonders for Lev’s own self-esteem too! No matter what, when he was with Akaashi he just kept thinking, happy as a fucking clam, “Well, at least I’ll never be like  _ him _ ” and so far, going five years strong next July, he isn’t. 

“How ya’ been? How’s Noya-san? How’s the job?” 

They’re at a little hole in the wall bar Lev has never been to before, the kinda place with peanuts on the floor and drinks that come all muddy and cloudy no matter how much he swirls it around (he used to think that was a sign someone did something to his drink, youthful worry and such, but now he just calls it decoration and takes a relaxed sip, assuming he won’t be dead on the table in the following six minutes). Akaashi looks like he just got off from work (tired) but he may have also just delivered a baby (tired). Lev couldn’t tell you which but it was a good look on him. He wore depression eye-bags quite well considering the circumstances (that being that eye-bags are NOT in season right now. Lev’s make-up team made that very, very clear to him one day when he came into work with dark bags under his own eyes. The ideal ‘sleepy-too-sad-to-move’ look was cute during December, October, September, and, depending on the political climate on American Twitter, July).

“I’ve  _ been. _ Nishinoya-san has a minor cold but he’s still talking non-stop so I’m not too worried about him and I haven’t been fired yet so, I suppose that it's well” Akaashi says around a mouthful of stale peanuts that Lev is  _ pretty  _ sure he picked up from the floor. An utter mess of a man, Lev was  _ so _ glad they linked up. 

“Can I  _ help you with something, _ Lev-kun? You’re looking at me like I’m withholding the secrets of the universe from you.”

Lev knew he was staring but all he ever really did was stare. It wasn’t his fault though, the instinct to blink or look away stopped registering after a few moments of being a living, breathing creature. That is to say, he stares on occasion.

“Akaashi-san, how did you know you were in love?’

“When I let the man who’d been staying without paying rent in my apartment for over 6 months move into my mind, free of charge.” 

“What?” 

Akaashi looks over at him, peering more accurately, and sips at whatever he ordered. It isn't a shot this time, but it's bubbly, bright and fun (there's lime and strawberry slices on the rim. Lev doesn’t even know if this little wreck of a bar has the funds to get fresh fruit for a semi-tropical drink, and yet there Akaashi was). Lev thought it suited him.

“Do you think you’re in love Lev-kun?” Straight to the point as usual.

“No. I’m not.”  _ That's the problem, _ he thinks. 

_ Nothing good ever came from being in love _ , said his Aunt.  _ Nothing good ever came from being bored _ , said Lev. 

“They say to find true love you have to find yourself first.” 

“Do they? Mmm… Is that what you did Akaashi-san?”

Akaashi looks at him as Lev takes one of the strawberry slices off the sugared rim of the glass (oo sugared) and pops it in his mouth. He doesn’t seem surprised but he hasn’t looked away yet so Lev counts it as a win. 

“How did that work out for you? Finding yourself, I mean. How's that going?”

Some may think Lev was insulting him, or trying to goat him into lashing out or saying something rude, something out of pocket even. But Lev, simple, simple Lev— would do no such thing. It was a genuine question. A rude question but genuine. 

“You don’t want to do that do you, Lev-kun?” 

“What, fall in love?”

“Find yourself.”

Lev laughs and sips at his beer. It tastes terrible. 

“I can’t find something I hold in the palm of my hand every day! Something I wear on my sleeves! I’m me!” 

Akaashi sips (all he does is sip. He’s either chugging or sipping. Taking a shot in half a second without delay or tentatively nipping at the edge of the glass licking his drink away. It was maddening. Lev wasn’t bothered but he had an unexplained urge to lightly shove the drink out of his hands. No reason why, just cause he could) and stares at Lev. Lev stares back and smiles. Akaashi smiles too. They’re having fun. 

“You’re young. Love isn’t anything that great. Go have fun.”

“Fun?”

“Yeah. Easy for someone like you, I’m sure.”

This little impromptu get together is the most fun Lev’s had in 3 months. 

“True. But what's fun?”

Akaashi holds up his drink. Lev follows suit and they clink their glasses together. 

“ _Other_ _than_ hanging out with me.”

Alaashi, once again, holds up his drink. Lev, laughing now, follows suit and they clink their glasses together

“ _ Other than _ drinking.”

Akaashi shrugged which only prompted Lev to laugh more, shaking the table and making the bartender look over at them like they were children or something. Lev loved it. This was _great_.

They end up staying until 12, meaning they get kicked out at 12. Having spent over 5 hours doing nothing but drinking and laughing did wonderful things for Lev’s mood. He was leaning on Akaashi and giggling happily as Noya pulled up in the parking lot across the street and waved them over. The light from the nearby Family Mart illuminated the concrete sidewalk in bright white and blue lights. The automated  _ “Irasshaimase”  _ plays out into the open air as they walk by and Noya stops inside for a second. Akaashi, not nearly as far gone as Lev, lets him lean with a comforting arm around his waist (Lev was far too tall for anything else) as they walk (stumble) to the car. 

“Sank You Akgashi Sam.” 

Akaashi hums, allowing the mess of a man in his arms to continue his heartfelt thank you.

“I have, had, has so muh fun tonigh. So muh fun. So muh fum.” 

He hums again, wishing he had his keys so he could actually open his car door. He couldn’t drive it but the police didn't need to know that.

Lev laughs and somehow doesn’t throw up his lungs even as Noya jogs over to them and hands both of them a popsicle. Akaashi kisses his cheek and gets in the front, leaving Noya to help Lev get in the back himself. Luckily everyone gets inside, Akaashi and Lev suck on their popsicles (orange and banana-flavored respectively) and Noya drives off to Lev’s apartment complex, humming along to the newly made ‘cold popsicle song’ Lev and Akaashi sing together. 

_“Cold cold cold cold cold, cold cold cold_. My mouth is cold I am cold tastes like fruit that is cold~”

Noya even joins in, but only after taking a bite out of Akaashi’s own frozen treat and scaring Lev shitless ( _ “YOU BIT THE POPS- POPSICLE? THE COLD? COLD COLD COLD? YOU BIT IT?”)  _ at the same time.

```

“Do you ever miss your highschool days?” An assistant asks Lev one day as he’s getting his makeup done. 

They’re doing a shoot involving school supplies or something so the question isn’t _entirely_ random. Lev looks ahead staring at the mirror, at himself. 

“Never.” He laughs out. His back hurts a bit at the moment.

  
  


```

He’s been told, on a few separate occasions (most notably any date he’s ever been on, probably once a week during volleyball practice in high school, by his teachers all throughout his life, by his friends, his manager at least once a week, this PR team every few weeks— honestly it was easier to say  _ ‘least notably _ ’ and just list the people who never say this to him. That being his sister, his uncles, and Mihara), that he does a _ lot of talking _ for someone who _ never actually says anything _ .

Now, Lev for a long time had no idea what that was supposed to mean. The dots didn’t exactly connect, the lines didn’t ever cross, the journey never reached its destination. He knew he talked a lot, it was something he prided himself on, but he felt like everything he said— said something. He tried asking Alisa about it one day over dinner, nothing crazy, just a simple “ _ Do you think I don’t say anything even though I talk a lot?”.  _ Alisa paused her sipping and looked at Lev from her spot to his right and replied “ _ Everything you say has weight to it, Lyovochka _ ” before smiling and resuming her meal. He nodded and sat and ate a salad or something, _ he can’t remember _ , but he knew he was chewing on something almost as thoroughly as he was the words of wisdom. 

He laid in his bed that night and thought over the words best he could. He, unfortunately, found himself at a loss for what the idea of ‘words having weight’ was supposed to actually mean, but more important than his lack of understanding of the concept was his understanding of the fact that, in some complicated way he was unable to pinpoint and explain, his words had some sort of meaning— his words said something. He went to sleep a little later that night. He was a tad restless, a tad uncomfortable but eventually the truth of his importance soothed him enough to let him rest, taking him out of today and into tomorrow with a somewhat,  _ barely there but there, _ difference in how he viewed the things he said. 

(He went to school the next day and plopped right down next to Mihara and proudly exclaimed how “ _ my words have weight _ ” as the other boy handed him a can of milk tea he got from the vending machine next to them. Mihara smiled, a tiny, happy smile and agreed wholeheartedly saying a simple “ _ Always _ ”)

```

Lev was a mixed child ( _ half-breed, hybrid, Frankenstein, banana, not-like-other-girls, _ he’s heard every name-call in the fucking book) and he didn’t feel much about it. His mother is Russian and his father is Japanese (would it be ‘was’? Lev didn’t know the rules for how someone was meant to be referred to when they were dead, but he assumed that it would still be ‘is’. Sure, they’re six feet under but they aren’t any less the nationality they were when they were breathing) but they both died before Lev could do much with that information, leaving him and his sister in the loving care of their Aunt Kai (Lev would touch on his mother’s side of the family later). 

Aunt Kai is the sister of Lev’s father, making her his aunt. She’s Japanese, not Russian, and as such didn’t give Lev any sort of knowledge or understanding of Russian values, or culture. The only reason Lev even knew how to speak and understand Russian was because Alisa would only speak and write to him in Russian, making it her childhood goal to ensure her adorable little brother could speak the language of his mother, just as much as she could (Obviously that meant his understanding of the language was only conversational but then again all humans really did was conversate so, he supposed he was fine). 

It was easy to talk about the failings of Aunt Kai, a good-hearted woman at her core—, because she simply wasn’t the best caretaker in the world. Lev didn’t blame her, nor did he hold any resentment towards her after all she’s done for them, (she was a single woman at her prime when two children were dropped on her doorstep, one grieving and one sucking on a pacifier that looked like a kitty face. Anyone would be put at a disadvantage with circumstances like that) but he would be lying to himself if he said she was easy to love. He  _ did  _ love her.  _ Conditionally _ . Those conditions being that she fed him and gave him a safe place to live for 17 years, which she did! So he loved her. Simple as that. 

She was the only person on his father’s side that had any real contact with Lev. His side was already small, little more than himself (Lev’s dad for reference), a sister, a father (a mother  _ somewhere _ . Lev assumed she just fucked off to the middle of nowhere in an effort to find herself and master her powers of the ice and snow, a cheap ploy to get away from her family— a sacrifice to protect her children and husband from her uncontrollable icy temper. He learned from his aunt that in truth, they just got a divorce and their mother wasn’t deemed fit to have any sort of say over the children, and as such Lev’s dad and aunt were stuck with their dad and grandpa), and a grandfather. Lev didn’t know where his grandfather was, he assumed his great-grandfather was rotting in a ditch or something somewhere (not because he was a piece of shit or anything, he just knew that old people didn’t have the refined means of burial like they did now. They couldn’t give him a respectful ceremony because they were old and old people did old shit and old shit consisted of burying dead bodies in random holes and keeping it moving. Lev was glad he wasn’t old and stupid as shit. Being born after 1940 was a gift). She was all they really had in terms of a connection to their father. 

He didn’t fucking know his dad though, he died, so Lev didn’t think much of it. His mom too but he was talking about daddy right now,  _ so… _

Lev’s therapist says that he’s exhibiting ‘unhealthy and dismissive traits picked up in his youth in a broken household’ but Lev thinks he was just lucky enough to escape the bullshit known as mourning over his loving parents, He isn’t dismissive, he’s distrait. His sister isn’t that lucky and every time he sees her kneeling at their altar or thinks about her visiting their graves, he counts his blessings. 

Lev has two uncles, well, ONE uncle on his mom’s side (her brother) who is married meaning he has two uncles. They’re his only connection to his Russian side, that and Alisa, and Lev fucking adores them.

  
  


```

Lev is in a bit of a slump. 

He’s fine. Well, he’s more than _fine—_ he’s a Haiba. He’s fucking mesmerizing. Just turned 24 and wanting for nothing in life past the touch of another human being that truly cared about him (and another cat. Maybe a boat. Lev always thought boats were so fucking badass, now he thought they were sexy too but mainly badass). But other than looks and that other thing, he’s fine. A little bit bummed but nothing worth complaining about but usually Lev complained about things that didn’t even _bother him_ so he did it anyway.

Life just wasn’t… vibrant anymore. Pictures aren’t looking as pretty and shiny anymore, paychecks are losing their flare, twitter is still twitter (terrible). He’s still single, he’s still kinda lonely, he’s stuck in the everyday humdrum already. He hadn’t even reached his peak and yet he was worried that he might fall off the damn mountain. So he does what he did best when he was stuck in a rut; when the world was too dull, too painful; a tad cold and just a smidge too… everything.

He traveled.

``` 

Lev went to visit Inuoka and ended up saving his and his new twin’s young lives. 

Inuoka had twins. Lev doesn’t know how he got twins (well, he does but he really doesn’t. The guy was a saint, or like a puppy that hadn’t gone through puberty yet. It was insane to imagine someone like Inuoka Sou is capable of having kids. For the longest time Lev just thought the guy had the anatomy of a barbie doll, but then his first Nekoma Christmas party came and well, that thought was proved wrong) but he knows that he does. He knows because he’s holding one. He doesn’t know  _ which _ , but he is holding one and _ loving it.  _

“This one is so squishy!” 

“Yeah… I thought all babies were squishy but I think these two are the _squishiest_.”

“What are their names again?” 

“Uhhh, the one in your hand is Umi and one in my hand is Sora.” 

Lev stares at the babies, looking and waiting for the names to click into place as if it was the perfect, final piece to the puzzle of baby life (the beginning of any life)— something to signify these names were something to be remembered. He found himself frowning a bit since little came to mind in terms of “grand evanescent yet distinct puzzle pieces of life” for the names. He couldn’t frown much considering the baby in his arms was absolutely adorable and frowning at a cute baby was damn near a sin (same for the other one in Inuoka’s arms, regardless of their proximity). So he spoke.

“Oh dude, those suck. Can you get those changed? You should if you can.” Lev says while poking at the soft newly made baby skin on the newly made baby he was holding. Umi. Adorable. Lev loved him. 

“Ughhh I KNEW they sounded off. Yeah, nothing is set in stone yet. They don’t know the difference anyway so… I like Umi though.”

“Okay, yeah Umi  _ is  _ pretty cute for a baby name. But  _ Sora _ ? What is he, a dog?” 

Umi ( _ Ugh. Umi. How precious. Absolutely adorable. Lev felt like he was falling in love, but like in the best way)  _ was cooing a bit, sucking on his pacifier before looking above Lev’s head a bit and forgetting about the giant sucker in his mouth, choosing to let it fall. Lev catches it and gets baby spit all over his hand but it’s okay because Umi is still there and staring and just existing as this adorable (so, so  _ cute)  _ bundle of small, little, tiny… baby. 

“What would you suggest? I could use help…”

“Ringo!” 

“ _ Apple?  _ You want me to name my son apple?”

“Better than fucking sky.”

Inuoka laughed and the babies just watched because they’re babies and can’t do anything. Lev looked over at the one in Inuoka’s hands, then the one in his hands (Umi. His baby Umi. His little son), then back at the other one. 

“So how do you tell them apart?’

“Oh? I don’t.”

So Lev does what any caring friend and newly made uncle would do and gets a sharpie and draws one dot on Umi’s face, right under the eye. The baby looks up at him and blinks a little and spits a bubble of spit, drooling all over himself. Lev takes that as a yes and picks him to show Inuoka.

“There! Umi has a beauty mark! Ringo doesn’t! You’re welcome.”

Inuoka stares at the two babies, now side by side, and gasps. Lev can hear the thank you in his silence, and once again, he truly does feel like a bonafide angel.

“Ugh, we’re such good dads.”   
  


Inouka, holding his newly named baby, nods. 

```

Lev was single. 

He didn’t  _ want  _ to be single, didn’t have much of a  _ need _ either. He wished he could use the tried and true  _ ‘Ah, well work just keeps me so busy!’  _ approach but that wasn’t true either. Honestly, he’s been surprisingly carefree (physically) considering how busy his job and life usually was. Travel here, take pictures there; ignore scandals around this week, and jump ass first into lukewarm controversies before the next. 

Maybe a few years ago he could've used the excuse (not like anyone was really asking. No one that mattered anyway. No one actually. No one cared about his love life seeing how it was non-existent and all) and got away with it but now it just rings false like a badly timed and probably broken silver bell within his mind and heart. 

_ He isn’t even surrounded by romance.  _ No one around him is in any newly formed, overly romantic, ‘ _ the cuddling and sex is sooo good!!! ugh, I love romance!’ _ phase of their relationship anymore. The few people around him who are actually dating are long since past that and firm in their current (at least public) appearance as ‘ _ we’re in love but like, used to it _ ’. It's sweet, in a boring domestic way. In a ‘we don’t feel passion as passionately as we used to’ way. In a ‘you’re supposed to be jealous’ way. In a ‘the longer you stare and compare yourself the sadder you’re bound to feel’ kinda way. Kinda. 

But Lev, ever the optimist, is anything but upset at his lack of ring or promises or arms to hold him at any given time. He truly doesn’t think about it that much. He’s lucky enough to come from a family with, seemingly, no romance within it. His aunt never got it, his parents probably never had it, his sister (bless her beautiful heart) has too much to give but doesn’t actively accept much herself and then there's Lev,  _ the little one of the family with a giant heart and even bigger emotional attachment to everything.  _ Or something like that, he wasn’t sure anymore. 

Anyway, he’s single and it stings but not really. It's like a bitter after taste or something clever like that. It was like waking up after sleeping in a weird position and ultimately feeling fine but every now and then he holds his phone wrong or bends his knee a tad too much and suddenly he thinks he may never do anything ever again without excruciating pain. Once again, a problem that barely bothers him. He doesn’t even notice it. Until he does. And then it hurts.

Like a bitch.

But he doesn’t move very often ( _ he doesn’t like leaving his comfort zone at all _ ) so he doesn’t feel the pain very often and as such is fine more often than not. 

Sometimes he wonders— no, scratch that. He shouldn’t lie. Lying is wrong. Especially to himself. He doesn’t lie much, well... he does, but he doesn’t like to lie. His therapist said that he should be more honest with himself and how he views the world  _ (something something _ , if he can accept his reality he can then go on to better himself within said reality or  _ something _ to that effect. You’d think, with as much as he's paying him, Lev would listen more intently during their bi-weekly sessions,  _ and yet _ ) Okay, so the truth. He never ‘sometimes wonders’. He always wonders. Not 24/7, but pretty damn close. Maybe 20/4. So a good chunk of the day, four days out of the week. It's healthy.

Anyway, anyway, he thinks aimlessly about why people aren’t tripping over themselves to kiss him. Or hug him. Or love him without abandon.  _ Or anything really. _

He isn’t asking for devotion or anything (though he would be lying, something he can’t in good faith do anymore, if he said he wouldn’t enjoy a healthy dose of adoration and devotion on occasion) but he is asking for attention.  Real attention. Not “ _Wooow Haiba-san, you’re such a beautiful/handsome/sexy man and we love watching/seeing/reading/experiencing your beautiful/handsome/sexy commercials! Thank you for liking my twitter fancam edit of you!”._

He has everything the general public seems to adore. He has looks (really fucking good, really fucking pretty, really fucking  _ handsome/sexy/amazing/beautiful looks _ ); he has a cute and loveable personality; he has a (fairly shitty) sense of humor and is easy to make laugh; he’s easy to please on the whole; usually, 7/10 times that is, he is willing to pay for dinner if he goes out with others, regardless of his own financial situation; he’s tall and hot and kinda sweet but mostly cute and mean but like the cute kind. It's cute on him. He's so cute. Yet he’s single. It's weird. He doesn’t get it.

Never fucking has honestly. He’s confident, which is apparently attractive or something, so he doesn’t know what he’s missing at this point. He’s bilingual with a little bit of french and english thrown in from his few classes during and after high school , he’s not smart (by any academic metric, assuming his A+ papers but 200 missing assignments said anything) but again, it’s cute on him so it’s totally okay and cute and attractive as a feature on a man. 

(He’s rambling. He can feel a headache come on and knows if he doesn’t stop talking to the wall or his cat or his beer bottle he’s gonna fucking lose his mind and maybe throw a brick through his old classmate’s window or something— because he can and god knows Lev does what he wants when he fucking can— yet he can’t stop because he’s finally making headway with this thought, finally breaking through the never-ending dry-wall of emotions and issues and getting to the core, burning question inside his mind:  _ why won’t someone touch him. _ He’s talking to himself and going in circles,  _ something that his therapist said to cut back on _ , but here he is doing it and feeling great, getting shit done, realizing more about himself in one 25-minute spiral than that overpaid prick ever could in like, 40 hour-long sessions.)

But maybe the problem isn’t the wider expanse of the world around him (totally fucking is though) maybe the problem is instead (and this is a crack-shot idea but again, he’s making a breakthrough) within Lev himself.

(He sips at his drink again and thinks about calling Akaashi. He decides against it, Akaashi is an asshole) 

Maybe the problem is that Lev, _truly_ , isn’t looking for love. 

He isn’t opposed to it, not by a long shot, but he has no real desire for it. Not really. Not out a place of hurt or mistrust, not even from a place of discomfort or personal orientation. He just… doesn’t feel an inherent want or need for love (at least, not enough to make the first move that is). To be fair, he has yet to be in true deep love (other than Mihara but that wasn’t requited  _ and  _ also he never confessed  _ and  _ he is also like,  _ 97% _ sure what he felt wasn’t fucking love. It was the basic brain chemistry of a stupid 17-year-old boy named Lev Haiba) so maybe he isn’t the broken one (he  _ highly doubts that though) _ but until he falls in love, something he has no real want to do, he will just assume something is wrong deep, deep— deep inside him. Which is fine. He made his peace with that broken-ness years ago and, surprisingly, it really doesn’t bother him. It would be unfair for him to be created with no flaws so obviously whatever higher power fucks around up there all day balended the scales by taking the core of Lev’s ability to feel (seemingly) normal and basic human emotions. He’s left with nothing but cheap imitations and, for the genuine ones, comfortable simplicity (don’t ask him to explain. He can’t).

But maybe the problem isn’t him. It probably isn't. He thinks, in his heart of hearts (and his regular heart, and the one he wears on his sleeve and the one he puts in his pocket) that it’s the world’s fault for not making the effort to grab a guy like Lev (or anyone like Lev) and treat them like the utter pieces of perfection he is. And with that in mind, Lev sips at his drink and pets his cat and thinks about how great he is even if he is so, so fucking lonely and would probably do anything to get even a sliver of human touch right about—

```

“ _ Now _ ? We’re really doing this now?”

“I missed you! You said if I ever needed someone, really needed, I always had you to depend on.” 

Yamaguchi and Lev went  _ way back.  _ Like,  _ way way back _ . But like, not as far back as Nekoma and nothing  _ before Nekoma  _ but they go back farther than right now so, at least in Lev’s humble opinion, that was pretty fucking far back (considering the fact no one from high school really tried to talk to Lev other than one overly persistent senpai, it was a big deal). They were inseparable by regular standards (inseparable meaning they saw each other once every… 9? Maybe 10 months if Lev was very very generous) and everything about their relationship screamed ‘this is the person I trust most, in the world’ (Lev one time asked Yamaguchi to borrow a pen to sign something and the other man just looked at him and said “I don’t trust that you won’t take the ink cartridge out after you’re done”. Lev did eventually get the pen. He also took the ink cartridge out. Yamaguchi’s bond with him was simply so strong he knew the future. Lev called it loved, Yamaguchi called it ‘experience from volunteering in a daycare for 3 years during his undergraduate’). If any given onlooker didn’t know any better they’d think the two men were in love, or siblings (or perhaps both but probably not that last one, but maybe—they would).

“You don’t need anything right now.”

“I need a friend.”

Yamaguchi stares at Lev, with that tired look he normally wore at times like these, and spoke with that vaguely pissed off cadence he laced into his speech any time Lev somehow got within 20 feet of him. His hair is pulled back in a nice ponytail (he finally listened to Lev and joined the long-hair-look train and wow, what a drastic difference it made ugh) but some loose strands fall around his face, framing it just so. He still has the cowlick, it's an organ probably, and Lev still wants to pull at it and see if Yamaguchi screams or even better— dies. 

“A friend.”

“Yes. A friend. _You_ , specifically.”

(Once, during a particularly good week in second year, Lev got a chance to ride down to wherever Hinata lived at the time, _ some little rinky-dink town he couldn’t remember... Miyuki? Nashi? Something like that _ , and spend the weekend at his house. Of course, that weekend was spent with volleyball and food; laughing and choking on food from the laughing; bothering Hinata’s little sister for a bit and then doing a complete 180 and letting her play on his much taller shoulders; the works. Eventually, Hinata convinced his teammates, the fellow second years at least, to come up to his house and help entertain his new guest. It was whatever, Lev had the time of his life and wished he was on a team with these 3 guys like crazy for the next 8 months but that's beside the point. What Lev did notice, something far more interesting than milk being squirted out the black-haired setter’s nose, is  _ the closeness  _ between Hinata and Tsukishima and the very tense  _ distance  _ between Yamaguchi and Tsukishima. Lev at the time didn’t think much of it but looking back he can see how awkward that night should've been for him. It wasn’t though, and he got a new friend out of the deal. ‘friend’). 

_ “Me.” _

_“You._ I miss you.”

Yamaguchi stares some more and Lev doesn’t blink because he knows that will simultaneously piss Yamaguchi off (reminds him of his, frankly, piece of shit ex) and, probably, comforts him (Lev never blinks so, it's his thing). Also, he just doesn’t really blink in general so, no point in starting now. 

He sighs, Lev perks up a bit and the dog behind the couch they’re on is trying to climb to the top to reach them instead of just walking around 4 steps to the right and jumping on one of their laps. 

“Okay. Lev.”

“Okay?”

(Yamaguchi and Lev dated the same girl. Lev thought little of it in the moment. It was a brief moment where he did think and it kinda made them feel more like  _ could-be _ best friends. _ Maybe  _ brothers.  _ Probably, totally  _ destined soulmates from birth separated by circumstance. The girl he broke up with from…  _ miga? Mira? Miy..miyai? Miyagi! It was Miyagi,  _ obviously didn’t agree and at some point Lev heard she was dating his dear pal Yamaguchi. Did his heart flutter a bit thinking they shared an indirect kiss? No, not whatsoever, but he likes to think it did).

“Okay.”

Yamaguchi takes his glasses off and stares more and blinks a few times and then smiles. Lev smiles back, closing his eyes a bit so they weren’t so big and obvious about the lack of blinking. 

“I missed you too.”

Lev knows, everyone misses him always, but hearing it felt great. 

“Can I kiss you?”

And just like that, the tension surrounding them and choking Lev like a particularly bad partner is gone, instantly flushed out or maybe just popped like a balloon with one question. They’re back.

“You’re the  _ worst _ .”

“The mood felt right, come on, you know you felt it. Admit it, you were leaning in a bit. Come on, look at me. Admit it.  _ Tadashi _ —”

And now they’re laughing and the dog is still too stupid to make it's way around and is barking, probably left out or something, and Lev feels a bit better than he did the night before. 

```

“Hey, Tsukki! Lets meet up!”

_ “Drop dead Haiba.” _

“Haha Woah! Not nice!’

_ “How did you get this number.”  _

“If I tell you I won’t have a way to get your next one! Cooooome on! When are you free?”

“ _ I thought I made myself clear last time we talked.”  _

_ “ _ You’re acting and sounding like a dick man, come on lighten up.”

_ “...” _

_ “ _ You hold such a nasty grudge you know that?”

_ “...” _

“This is about the Oikawa thing, isn’t it? Listen Tsukki, and I mean this with my entire heart, you need to move on man. It was one time.” 

_ “Go to hell.” _

“Me going anywhere won’t fix your relationship buddy, trust me. I got a therapist now and let me say, he has taught me A LOT. You’d be surprised how many little things we do aren’t actually healthy! Anyway not to make this all about me but—… Tsukki?”

_ “...” _

“Tsukki?”

_ “...” _

“Ah, he hung up.”

  
  
  


“And blocked my number.  _ Cool. _ ”

```

He’s visiting his sister’s place but it doesn’t really feel like a visit. It feels like a therapy session but for free, or perhaps a dentist appointment but not sexy. It’s hard to say “visiting” when it comes to staying at his sister’s apartment because they’re around each other so often. Yet that is what he’s doing, on this very night. He lays with his head on her shoulder, nursing a glass of something, probably vodka but perhaps water. He isn’t exactly paying attention. 

“You wanna talk about it?”

One time when Lev was younger, probably around 19 or so, he came to his sister sobbing about something, once again he can’t remember because he wasn’t exactly paying attention in the moment. If he really tried to remember the source of his pain it probably was a sudden sobering realization of something or another within his life, maybe it was his fear he already hit his peak, perhaps he was just lonely— but he went to her and she opened her arms and just let him cry on her for entirely too long. 

“Not much to say.”

Another time Lev, probably 20 (something around there) he remembers his sister spending a week at his place because her girlfriend had cheated on her and Alisa walked in on it happening. On the couch. She couldn’t stand to stay in the apartment after that, even though she did kick both of them out the moment she saw it— ending the relationship without delay. It was painful and Lev probably should’ve gotten put on a watch list for the things he wanted to do to the two people who hurt his sister so badly, but instead all that happened was more crying and holding each other. 

“Happy birthday."

“Thank you.”

“Aw come on. Try again.”

“ _ Thank you.” _

They cheer and clink their glasses, ignoring the feeling in their chests, and smile. 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This is most likely my final HQ piece this year (if you ignore the secret Santa stuff coming later) Its been wonderful to fall in love with lev in that time! Again, comment if you enjoyed or if you didn't! I love talking about him no matter the context. 
> 
> HMU and praise me on twt about this too (@MrsHaiiba)!!


End file.
